November 21, 2017

Should I Stay or Should I Go: What’s Your Tipping Point?

Relationships, even the best of them, require care and attention. If you are in a relationship and like most people, you have had to work on things. It’s like keeping your body healthy. You can’t ignore it and expect it to be in top form. But, if you’ve been in triage mode for a long […]

Interdependence vs. Codependence—It’s Okay to Have Needs

Kimia had been in several relationships that started out well, but eventually did not fulfill her. She invariably ended up feeling taken advantage of, and that her boyfriends did not really care deeply for her. I asked her, “Do you think you made it clear to them that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior and that […]

Developing Self-Trust

“If you can’t trust me, who can you trust?” When I was growing up, that’s what our sketchy neighbor Mr. Dillard used to say all the time. Even as a kid I remember thinking, “I bet he doesn’t even trust himself.” I know I didn’t. A friend of mine made a really bad decision recently. […]

Key Elements of Trust

Some people are more trusting than others. Some are more trustworthy. But once trust is broken, it is not easy to rebuild (though not impossible in many cases). There is more than one way to breach trust.  ° Lara was never sure when Paul would be kind and supportive or when he’d berate her cruelly for […]

How to Ditch Emotional Baggage Once and For All Part I

If there were a lot of ugly, heavy stuff in a giant suitcase and it was useless to you in every way, would you schlep that suitcase everywhere you went? In the shower, to bed, through the mall, on your after-dinner walk? The answer: no. Not only would doing so be counter to your best […]

Why Emotional Security is #1 in a Relationship

My client Virginia originally called me to help her navigate a difficult relationship. She loved Pat so much it was painful. The problem was, it actually was painful. She never knew when he was going to pull the rug out from under her. One day he was understanding and supportive, telling her how much he […]

Being in the Flow Part II — How it Creates Relationship Flow

Last week I wrote about being in the flow. Think about the Buddha’s river that I mentioned in that blog. If being in the flow is allowing the current of that river to take us, then imagine if our loved ones were with us in that peaceful river? You and I cannot push our partners […]

Hostage or Free? Codependency Revisited

Codependency has gotten some press in recent years. Which is a very good thing because it drags into the light of day a dangerous and fairly common relationship pattern that can hold people hostage for years. If ignored, codependency can do grave damage. I worry that people sometimes hear “codependent” and brush it off— yeah, […]

The Art of Being in Sync

Synchronicity. When two things—or in our case, people—work in perfect rhythm with each other. When you are synced with your partner you are fully present with that person – mind, body, spirit. ✓  You can walk side by side—somehow your footsteps match up… even though he’s 5 inches taller. ✓  You can finish each other’s […]

Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence PART 2 – How to improve Self-confidence

Last week I talked to you about self-esteem, a fundamental internal navigational system that, when it is working well, allows you to love and accept yourself (Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence PART I – How to Improve Self-esteem). Healthy self-esteem is often present in self-confident people, but not always. You can be confident in certain arenas – […]