May 21, 2018

Over-giving? Try Being Self-Centered Instead

It feels good to make someone else feel good, doesn’t it? But sometimes people can invest so much in pleasing others that they leave themselves in the dust. First, let’s look at some ways people-pleasing hurts everyone. Amy is in a destructive relationship with William and can’t figure out why she stays. William is entirely […]

Betty’s Practical Guide to Moving in Together

I have moving on-the-brain this week (since I’m moving into a new house myself) so wanted to write about the practical issues around moving in with your partner. For insights about how to arrive at this important decision (or not), and an overview of some of the issues involved, you can revisit some of my […]

How to Find the Silver Lining When a Relationship Does Not Go as Planned

It’s a cliché, for sure, the old saying about how every cloud has a silver lining. But often clichés are truths that have simply been spoken by many wise people for many years. This year, we want to take that ol’ dud-relationship cloud and turn it inside out so the lining will be visible in […]

New Relationship? New Holiday Traditions

The holiday season is one of sensory stimulation, excitement, stress, a range of emotions, traditions, and memories. Our memories can provide solace but also sadness, especially if they remind us of past relationships that did not work out. Rather than go all Grinchy Scrooge on the holidays, realize that there are always new traditions to […]

Making Space in Your Life for the Right Person

Make room for love and it always comes. Make a nest for love and it always settles. Make a home for the beloved and he will find his way there. – Marianne Williamson When you think about finding love, do you ever think about what love will find when it gets to you? Will it […]

Should I Stay or Should I Go: What’s Your Tipping Point?

Relationships, even the best of them, require care and attention. If you are in a relationship and like most people, you have had to work on things. It’s like keeping your body healthy. You can’t ignore it and expect it to be in top form. But, if you’ve been in triage mode for a long […]

It’s Really Over: 7 Steps Towards Acceptance

We don’t have to accept everything that happens to us. Sometimes we need to resist, make change, or fight for what we believe. But when it comes to the end of a relationship—acceptance is really the only good option. Anything else is torture, and ultimately prevents life from moving on. I’ve seen clients struggle with […]

Interdependence vs. Codependence—It’s Okay to Have Needs

Kimia had been in several relationships that started out well, but eventually did not fulfill her. She invariably ended up feeling taken advantage of, and that her boyfriends did not really care deeply for her. I asked her, “Do you think you made it clear to them that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior and that […]

Avoid “Bad Date Syndrome:” Easy Steps for Turning Bad to Good

You’ve been chatting online for over a week with someone who seems pretty great so far. It’s time to meet face to face. You make a plan to meet for coffee at a trendy coffee spot, put on the sweater that perfectly complements your eyes, and head out full of hope and expectations. Maybe it’s […]

Passive-Aggression is a Game You Can’t Win

Imagine a ball game in which the primary strategy is to toss a ball to your opponent simply so you can avoid dealing with it. But once you toss it, you need to pretend you never did. “I never tossed that ball. Don’t know where that ball came from. I think it’s your ball.” Shoot […]