November 21, 2017

Too Many Yeses? It’s Time for No

Have you ever said yes but what you really wanted to say was no? How did that feel? Stuart’s ex called him weekly with one problem or another. The furnace was making a funny sound, the satellite TV stopped working, the window screens weren’t where they were supposed to be. He inevitably ended up back […]

Are you passively participating in your relationships?

Bill’s wife made it clear that he would have to change his longstanding plans to play tennis with his brother. Why? She had been invited to a brunch party at the last minute and it was “very important to her” and she’d meet some “key players in her field” who could help her career. He […]

Step Out of Fear and Into Your Power

The eloquent wisdom of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s words, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” is so profound and far-reaching that they became watchwords for an entire nation, and have, in less than a century, become so familiar that some might mistake them for cliché. But in fact they are as true […]

Dating, Sex, and How to Say No

When it comes to reasons people give for why they had sex early in a relationship even though they did not want to, I’ve heard things like the following way too many times: > “I didn’t want him to stop liking me.”> “I figured she’d think something was wrong with me.”> “I thought we were […]

Speak Up—The Truth is in There

All the giving-in, all the compromising in her relationship with Tom came from Jane. Pretty soon, no matter how absurd Tom’s whims, or how uncomfortable for her, Jane was saying “yes” to everything. Her fear that he’d walk out made her want to buy his loyalty with silence and acquiescence. In other words, since Jane […]

Sex: What Time is the Right Time?

Sex. It’s awesome. They say it’s on our minds a LOT. In one way or another, whoever you are… you think about sex. And it’s only reasonable that when you are dating someone, or thinking about dating someone, you would be doing some extra wondering about sex. Mainly—when is the right time to “go all […]

Hostage or Free? Codependency Revisited

Codependency has gotten some press in recent years. Which is a very good thing because it drags into the light of day a dangerous and fairly common relationship pattern that can hold people hostage for years. If ignored, codependency can do grave damage. I worry that people sometimes hear “codependent” and brush it off— yeah, […]

Start with Loving You: New Year’s Love Intentions

When you are born, you learn to love yourself in the mirror of mother. She loves you, you love her. The love reflects, one to the other. For a brief time, you and she are as one. In other words, the love that flows back and forth so effortlessly is indistinguishable from self-love, simply because […]

Thanks, but No Thanks: A Vital Life Skill

Some people find it easy to say no.  You know those people?  Maybe you are one of those people.  But if you are one of the millions of others – those who struggle mightily with that simple word – you may be both envious and awestruck by those who can just say no.  For so […]

What can we learn from The Bachelor?

On any given Monday night, as many as 12 million people will tune in to The Bachelor on ABC. That’s a lot of people. One might hope that, in addition to being entertained and titillated by this (admitted somewhat contrived) romantic “reality” show, watchers might take stock, and learn from the show’s participants, their choices, […]