August 17, 2017

Question: My boyfriend never remembers the little things about me.

He can’t remember that I hate straws (he always puts one in my drinks), that I get headaches when the fluorescent overhead lights are on (he turns them on the minute he enters the room), or that I am lactose intolerant (he serves me lasagna or mac and cheese when I go over–it’s all he can make I guess). Is this him not caring about me enough to pay attention or is it just that he’s forgetful, which is what he says. Thanks, Betty.

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Dear Anonymous,

More importantly than why your boyfriend never remembers the little things about you, is how it makes you feel when this happens?

Do you feel that your needs are being met in the relationship? Do you acknowledge that your needs are legitimate and a critical part of a mutually satisfying relationship? When needs go unmet it eventually leads to resentment and frustration. Now is the time to have a conversation with your boyfriend about what you need to feel fulfilled in the relationship. Knowing if he is willing to meet your needs through his words and actions or not will help you to decide if this is a relationship that is in your best interest to continue.

You deserve someone that will remember all the little things about you because your needs are important to them.  

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